It amazes us how few couples actually talk about their sex life. Research shows a healthy sex life is critical to marriage satisfaction.

What’s strange is that I couldn’t think of a more stimulating (see what I did there?) topic of conversation than sex.

What’s preventing couples from talking about sex? Two things.

The first is not knowing where to begin. Few of us had healthy examples or role models to show us how to address what we want and dislike in the bedroom. And our culture doesn’t help any.

Second, few of us know which questions to ask that don’t make us sound totally clueless. We default to the fantasy that if it’s true love, we’ll just know.

Here are our top five mistakes that couples make in the bedroom with some great questions to get you talking.

1. Lack of Desire

This stems from busy couples that give themselves to everyone else with nothing left for their spouse and given enough time their libido is completely gone.

Q: When was a time where you felt most desired by me?

2. No Physical Compliments

So many couples never compliment each other on their body, leading to insecurities that can interfere with our sex life.

Q: What are two things you love about my body?

3. Stopped Taking Care of Yourself Physically

We worked so hard to put our best foot forward when we were dating and then resorted to the comforts of our baggy sweatshirts once we got married and somehow lost the special-ness and occasion of having sex.

Q: What were some things, when we were dating, where you put your best foot forward?

4. Lack of Foreplay

When sex begins to feel like a mission to accomplish, where there is no lingering in the moment, where foreplay is ditched for jumping straight to intercourse, a couple’s sexual intimacy is rarely satisfying.

Q: What is your favorite form of foreplay?

5. Unrealistic SEXpectations

Read our ebook Naked Dinners to understand just how amazingly unrealistic our expectations were when it came to having sex. It wasn’t until we talked this through until we found a healthy balance.

Q: How frequently would you like us to have sex?

Reposted with permission. Read the original article here.

Casey and Meygan Caston are the founders of Marriage365, and the authors of Naked Dinners and Communication That Connects.

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